


Requiem for the Indifferent

by Blushing_Tomato



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological, Romance, small spoilers from repeat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 16:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17708069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blushing_Tomato/pseuds/Blushing_Tomato
Summary: Despair, sadness, a crying melody...Satsuki's agony in a body that wasn't even truly his.Piece for the Uta no prince-sama flashbang 2018.





	Requiem for the Indifferent

**Author's Note:**

> I've been so excited to write this, and so happy with the results! Here is my one-shot for the utapri flashbang 2018! Everyone worked so hard, writers and artists, and I'm so happy to finally see the result...  
> Please check out my paired artist on Twitter! @thebloodtypeV who did such an amazing job... ;u;  
> https://twitter.com/thebloodtypeV?lang=fr  
> I hope you will enjoy it!

That was such a beautiful melody.

A melody made of tears, a ripped heart and broken memories.

“Why is your music so beautiful, yet so sad?”

The sound stopped in an agonizing cry and… there she was again. That curious and annoying pigeon always chirping around him as if he were a weird subject of contemplation. He let out a growl as he felt her presence near, not even bothering to look at her. He could recognize that silky voice everywhere, always asking him about his whereabouts. And it was getting on his nerves.

Satsuki did not need that girl to spend her time to pester him each time he was rehearsing. He had much better things to do, like exercising on his viola because that was one of the only things he was sure to do well, his only true skill.

“Get lost. You're bothering me.” he spat, his strong gaze still fixed on his instrument, not wanting to see that girl's face- what was her name again? Right, Haruka. He didn't want to see Haruka's face. He just wanted peace. Why did nobody want to leave him alone? It's not like he wanted someone by his side. He was fine and responsible on his own.

He didn't see that fuchsia-haired girl expression, but he bet ten bucks that she looked hurt, as usual. His words were always like a bitter cold and a cold blizzard.

“Why are you always like this?” she asked, holding her questioning like she knew she was risking her life but still doing it anyway. It was a recurrence; each time they met, she would ask the same damn questions, an annoying serenade that was trying to save him… As if she could.

“Like what?” Satsuki answered in an annoyed tone.

“So cold. Annoyed all the time. Like everything is pissing you off.”

“... It's none of your business.”

Silence. A wall. Huge fortifications that nobody could overstep. That's what he created since he existed. And this was proof that they were real.

And what could she do? What would she answer? He hoped it was enough for her to leave, and when he looked at her briefly from the corner of his eyes, she, indeed, looked hurt. He could even tell what she was thinking.

_I really want to help you. But I don’t know how, and you don’t seem to want to be helped either. What should I do? Please, tell me._

And his answer was pretty simple.

_Just do nothing. I don’t need you._

And without prior notice, only needing a heavy silence to do so, Haruka just left while Satsuki was looking at the window in the back of the practice room, actually waiting for her to leave.

He truly hated her. Every inch of her being smelt like a rotten poison. Sure, she was very beautiful, but each of her smooth words was truly hypocritical. He felt like she was pitying him like he needed support or something of the kind… And it was so annoying. However, well, it’s not like he cared about what she could do or think either way. It didn’t get to him… At all.

_A black hole that draws in all feelings.  
_ _Desire, ambition, despair, hope…_

Through the window, the leaf from the sakura tree was trying desperately to get away from the branch and to free itself. It was truly a mesmerizing show. The wind caressing strongly the plant, an incoming storm that was ready to turn everything upside down; the threatening clouds had already covered the light blue sky entirely.

_..._

_Liar._

That voice in his mind. Was it himself? Or maybe a conscious part of Natsuki that he didn't even know about? He couldn't even tell. Everything was blurry in his mind, like his sight. The viola was long forgotten, only the gusts of wind could be heard from outside. But it was in the real world, not in a strange and dark realm.

Everything was still better than the voices telling him thoughts that he didn't want to admit.

God he wished they could shut up for once.

Satsuki stayed motionless, thinking too many thoughts at the same time, his mind clouded like the sky was clouded at the same moment. He couldn't even move, too absorbed on the passing storm in his mind and world. He frowned, his perception too hazy to even imagine what he was actually having in mind. Even his vision, everything in front of him was a blur. He tried to understand, but only one thing was visible. An illusion, clear enough to tell what it was. A skirt, strawberry hair floating. His heart squeezed, a momentum of pure rage devouring him suddenly.

Haruka's smile. He wanted to rip that damn smile apart that made him remember way too many things.

Haruka's talent. He wanted to crush that damn talent apart that made him remember way too many things.

She made him remember way too many things he had tried to suppress and lock for so many years. And yet, when he saw her for the first time, he was appalled at the thought he had seen another face instead of hers that was hunting his childhood’s nightmares. And then a face made of scribbles, scribbles in his head because he didn’t want to see that face that scared him so much.

_“Natsuki, you’re playing so well. Show me your talent, I wanna hear more…”_

And the sound of burning papers, and a burning heart.

Because, after all, he was born from the wedding between the sand and the water. He was born from Natsuki's despair. A child made of hatred and distress.

_Maturing, growing stronger, boiling over, moving forward…  
_ _Those eyes shout and sing._

“Essence precedes existence,” said Sartre one day. Humans were the only ones that could shape their meaning in life because they didn't have any preconceived value, any true ‘existence’. The only thing that could impact their life was themselves and their action, what made them who they are. Their essence in fact.

That was a noble way of thinking, an existentialism well-thought, but Satsuki didn't apply in that theory. He was the contrary. His sole existence was already here, inked in his whole body and being. He couldn't shape his future, because it was already here and planned. He was in a golden cage made of flesh. He couldn't be free, because he was only a barking shield, ready to attack anyone that was trying to hurt Him. His essence? It wasn't relevant.

His sole reason for living was to protect Natsuki. And nothing else. And he was so aware of that that it ate him alive. And what could he do? Nothing. He was trapped in that stupid body without any freedom. He was only following Natsuki, a loyal guard dog.

Oh, Orion, shining brightly sky, a prideful hunter that could kill any animal, give him strength and protection to accomplish his duty!

He needed that protection. In fact, he didn’t see that as a curse, but more as something fated. He handled that destiny with his chin up of course because if it could make Natsuki happy, he could bear any trauma or pain. He was used to it, he was first and foremost a shield that scared anyone that was standing way too near to Natsuki.

_Stop lying to yourself. You know it’s not what you really think._

He truly hated the world. But more than anything, he hated himself. For being like this. He wanted to be happy. To have friends that wouldn’t forget him. To bond and actually feel what it was like to smile, cry, love, feel something. To exist. 

_Would you shut up._

That was thoughts he always suppressed in his mind because they weren’t important. He didn’t need those. The only strength that kept him this way was Natsuki’s happiness. It wasn’t important, nobody could save him from this body and mind.

Finally, through the window and dark sky, the leaf fell from the tree, flying in the remnants of the world. Freedom. Independence. Death.

But Satsuki wondered. That girl, Haruka, he knew Natsuki was in love with her. There was no denying, and Satsuki tried his best for several months to scare her, to make her leave for good, but it was useless. She was as bold as he was and stubborn. Plus she loved him too. Ah, that made him laugh. Will this finish in another trauma? Will she betray him as well? It wasn’t like Satsuki could do something about it. Eventually, the two would confess to each other as Natsuki tried once during that festival. Satsuki was just the barrier between the two, trying desperately to separate them.  However, that fortress could be destroyed, shattered and finally useless.  
  
… A deep breath. He didn’t want to think about the consequences of such a future. Nobody could take Natsuki away from him, his only reason for existing. And if it was the case, if Haruka eventually stole him away…

Because he knew that love could be more powerful than anything.

_“Do you really love Natsuki?”_  
_It was such a strong gaze.  
_ _"Yes, I love him. And I would do anything to make him happy.”_

Suddenly, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

But if they were truly happy together, was Satsuki even worth existing…?

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks so much to the artist! I was so happy to be paired with you, and would definitely do it again!  
> Don't forget to go check the art on twitter!!  
> https://twitter.com/thebloodtypeV/status/1094152600620945409


End file.
